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People make mistakes and deserve a second chance. I agree with this too. I also think it matters what crime it was. There are mistakes and then there are mistakes. Sorry, I see now that it was related to fraud which has everything to do with concerns about trustworthiness, transparency, and finances.
Act on that, today, in whatever way you can. The real concern are the other red flags of things not being good lately and manipulation! He has a felony record! That affects job and credit prospects! And he lied about it! She did her own criminal background check which to me is super bizarre without asking him if he had a criminal history. At what point do you think he lied?
At the very least this was lying by omission. ALSO if youre combining your finances with someone married or not you should absolutely tell them they went to jail for fraud or something money related!! Also- 2 years in prison? Second the recommendation for therapy too. Get your financial ducks in a row as soon as you can. Put Team You on red alert.
I will be thinking about you and sending strength and good vibes your way. Yeah, although I can imagine a situation in which it would be a relatively benign omission, I think in this case you should definitely listen to your gut and do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and disentangle your finances ASAP.
In response to emeralds — you can easliy open an Ally checking account online in just a few minutes. No need to go to a bank branch or anything like that. If I found out that my live-in boyfriend of 2 years was concealing something this significant, I would absolutely be incredibly freaked out.
At the very least, it takes a lot of omissions, if not outright lies, to avoid mentioning to your S. To put it into context, I could tell you where each of my closest friends lived in every year in their early 20s.
I could actually tell you that about my close co-workers as well. You have to work hard to hide that in a relationship, and that level of deception would be incredibly troubling to me. Depends on how old you are. If my husband had done two years in his early 20s, that would be plus years ago. I have only the vaguest idea about where he was living and what he was doing back then.
IMHO, she should find any agreements they have, talk to an attorney sometimes, shutting down a joint bank account can have ramifications , and protect herself. Sever the financial ties, move out, and break it off. I think this would equate to finding out your live in partner of 2 years was previously married. The sort of thing that, you know, should come up at some point over 2 years. Or that they are not a US citizen this happened to a friend! And not that it matters [except it sorta did for visa reasons] but like oh yeah actually I know You know I was born in X and lived there until college but actually also I am NOT a dual citizen like you assumed….
Just want to chime in with a reminder that financial and emotional abuse is a thing. Yep, watch out for emotional abuse. Please call the DV hotline and talk to them.
How long ago was this? Typically defendants are required to pay back loss amounts, which can be hefty. I second the recommendations to untangle your finances and also take a long hard look at your relationship. You need to decide whether you can trust this guy.
Some criminal records are easy to find. Some are almost impossible. What are some specific ways to untangle the finances? Open a separate bank account? Open a separate account — move your direct deposit there.
Obviously the other person will find out at some point after that happens. I personally would start creating a historical record of the accounts, too — save down statements, download the transactions into Mint or excel or somewhere — note which ones are yours and which are his. Also, close any joint credit cards. My best guess open to suggestions on closing the bank accounts is: Move your direct deposit over there. Before your new direct deposit hits the new account i. Do the calculations in advance.
Pretend to your partner that you are going to work as normal. There are lots of excellent resources online about narcissistic personality disorder.
I would be checking those out. This is really hard. Your mention of manipulation got my attention. It is great you are starting to see him clearly. I would start to entangle your finances, on the DL if you can. Pay attention to what he says and does and notice if he is controlling, gas lighting, or otherwise a shove. Read what you can on emotional abuse, maybe narcissitic abuse.
Especially if he might get violent. Just think about what you want to do. For more information on emotional abuse, Shannon Thomas has a good book, also Psycopath Free which is where I learned about indirect persuasian is good.
Tracy Malone has good podcast. Talk to a therapist. DBT type therapy might be an option — it helped me a lot. Try to be compassionate with yourself.
It sucks when your entire reality is turned upside down. I wear most of the same ranges as you and bought a few things from Loft Plus last month that are quickly becoming favorites in the rotation. My overall order was hit or miss, but the hits are good particularly on pants, where I really struggle.
I wear a 16w in Talbots skirts and 18WP in their pants and fluctuate between 16W and 18W in Adriana Pappell dresses depending on the cut; the Loft pants that fit best were 16W and I got a casual dress that was a 1x and fit well. Relatedly, anyone know how the new ish WHBM plus line fits?
I feel like everything was similar to old navy sizing. I ordered a bunch of items and returned a bunch that fit weird or had weird fabrics, but the ones I kept are what I want to live in lately. I kept some 20s and a couple of 18s. Suggestions for interviews for in-house counsel positions? Specifically looking for best way to characterize interest in in-house position. I saw this advice when I was moving in-house and thought it was so helpful I saved it for myself: Depending on the specifics, there could be a significant shift in your goals as an attorney.
Think of your role as an advisor to the business. And what you should be bringing to the table is your sound judgment — that applies to everything, not just legal risk. Agree with the advice above. I need fitness advice. Well, this morning I briefly passed out. What could be going on? Is it a hydration thing? I work out first thing in the morning, if that matters. It could be all sorts of not terribly problematic things but none of us can tell you that.
It could be dehydration, it could be pregnancy that happened to me while pregnant , it could be a blood pressure issue….. Definitely report back to us though. I had this issue in college. I had a half assed cardio workup and my doc said I was fine. I get really lightheaded running in the mornings if I try to rush my warmup or not eat a snack even orange juice helps to get the blood sugar up before heading out. If I want to do a hard workout, I have to do something like spinning I think the sitting allows me not to feel dizzy.
I run crazy distances so its not my fitness. Also I would call your doctor. The run itself was fine, but I felt terrible afterward and am sore and tired. Does your cool-down or stretching routine involve posture changes? If you think that may be related, your doctor can order a tilt table test to check for orthostatic hypotension.
Did you hit your head? I was still conscious, just blacked out for a short period of time. I was able to sit down before I went totally dark. Um, cause it takes awhile to get an appointment and in the meanwhile someone might have something helpful to say? I should think that was obvious. And honestly, passing out like this is an immediate doctor trip — urgent care or ER.
I passed out once during norovirus and it almost led to a cardiac workup. You framed this as a fitness issue. It could be a really substantial medical issue. It could just be something completely benign: If everything looks okay, it will probably a quick trip with a note to follow-up with your GP.
Have you had any palpitations? No weird palpitations at all. Are you working out outside? I run exclusively outside. In the summer, I lose over a pound in 35 minutes. It could be a hydration issue.
I would make an appointment with your dr and in the meanwhile significantly increase your water intake both right before bed and as soon as you get up before your workout, and maybe try gatorade or coconut water or whatever after the workout. See if it helps. Obviously get to a doctor ASAP and take their advice.
I used to do an intense 6AM spin, and while I have never passed out, but I have felt lightheaded after and had to sit in my car slamming a protein shake and then spend a minute feeling nauseous about that before I could drive. Ideally I need to eat a meal 3 hours before and a light carb-y snack about an hour before. I also drink about oz of water a day. I have had no lightheadedness issues later in the day. You absolutely need to hydrate some and eat before a hard work-out.
Young women often have low blood pressure to begin with, often at its lowest in the morning, and if you throw in a hard work out and not hydrating on top of that it sounds like you fainted from a drop in blood pressure.
You should also be drinking a lot throughout your work out. I totally agree you need to see your doctor.
I would hold off on the very hard work-outs until you do. I thought it was about not eating enough, but she said nope, almost certainly hydration. Syncope can be worse at certain times of your cycle for a variety of reasons not just hydration , though I believe you that for you hydration was the issue.
You may want to try that. This happened to me all the time when I was pregnant, even just from very light exercise like walking. I passed out several times although like you I was always able to sit down, I never fell. Making sure I was always very well hydrated helped somewhat but mostly I just had to wait for it to pass. Piling on to say call your doctor, but specifically because hitting your max HR in every workout is definitely not normal. Was extremely common for me until I went to a doctor.
I had extremely low blood pressure due to dehydration. I had run multiple half marathons, etc, and never had a problem until I suddenly did. My heartrate would spike over bpm routinely. I need to drink about 80 oz of water a day to prevent this now. Were any of you ladies in attendance at the Northern California Aon women in leadership event Monday night?
I loved the speakers. Evelyn Murphy was amazing. And I loved Karla Gallardo, the Cuyana founder. What an amazing startup story.
I am looking for advice with how to deal with parents who are making choices that I question. My mom is 60 and recently retired.
They go on world cruises and are gone for month stretches. I think this is the part of their life they enjoy the most. This has been a huge part of her life for over 15 years. This was a bigger part of her life than volunteering because this was how she made most of her friends. She was a very active member but was suddenly kicked out of the club by the president and totally kicked out of the group. I saw the emails from the president and they were pretty harsh, but I have a feeling they were been warranted.
My mother has been so successful at being a boss for so long that she sometimes exerts that authority in other contexts, and that understandably rubs other adults the wrong way. First my stepdad was on it, but he got kicked off for not getting along with people. Then my mom joined. I know the building is full of lots of grumpy retirees and is somewhat litigious, but my parents have now been sued twice by other residents or the condo board.
Their solution is now to sell the condo and move into the suburbs, and they are making the move rather suddenly. My mom has always been super liberal socially she was a single mom raising two daughters for a while , but pretty conservative on economics. My parents have swung to adopt illogical, racist views. These comments often rely on false news stories storming a courthouse to burn down a statue of thomas jefferson!
If you challenge their view or prod for support, you are being disrespectful. I know people of all stripes whose politics I do. No on likes it, least of all your parents. Agree with all of the suggestions to avoid engaging. But follow-up—is this a valid reason to distance myself from my parents?
Or is this something all kids deal with when their parents get older? What does it mean to you to distance yourself? What about it do you enjoy? If he were an overall okay person who had a few distasteful-to-me-but-mainstream-ish social and political beliefs, our relationship would look very different. Truth is, people in their 60s are not going to listen to advice from a young person in her 20s.
Especially when they are cranky and used to getting their own way. Would she ever acknowledge feeling lonely? Welcome to what happens when parents get old. Unfortunately this kind of thing socially inept, politically unaware, racism is really common. Yeah, this is also the story of my dad.
People romaticize the past when they get older. But she may not listen, this may just be who she is. I think this is pretty spot on. But that in your 30s and 40s you start to appreciate them more and value their insight. But to be frank, they suck. They are the reason why my boyfriend and I are eloping instead of having a wedding, but I would never tell them that.
That is your card. This is the tough love that you either put in now, or you will be still complaining about in 20 more years.
You are all adults now, they need to be respectful as well. The switch that happens in your twenties and thirties to your relationship with parents is a hard one to navigate especially if you are the oldest, or an only child with no one to help carve that new path with. My parents are generally pretty solid, but yes, occasionally they say things that are pretty tone deaf for current times Oriental is a rug mom, not a person. Your graduation dinner story is definitely alarming.
Keep in mind, when you are dealing with older folks, you are challenging some world views in a way that tells them everything they did for a long time was wrong. Totally agree, which is why I avoid political discussions and just change the topic when they go on their racist rants.
My issue is more that they seem to be making their network smaller and smaller and they keep getting in fights with communities they previously enjoyed being a part of. I just hear their stories of disagreements with others and I think—so what? Every little frustration is grounds for escalation to nuclear levels. And I think the only reason why travel is still so enjoyable with them is because everyone they interact with is catering to them as a customer.
Is this just part of aging? Just beware that if this is how they treat others, to a certain extent it is how they will treat you too. So I would tread lightly and pick your battles, set your own boundaries. Putting things in context of using not current language, or someone unfortunately having an ingrained fear of a certain ethnic group. The active hatred, disdain, and calls for harm to people different from you is totally unexcusable no matter the age.
If they were my parents I would totally distance myself from them because they sound pretty awful. Is that so hard to fathom? If you seriously think the world was better with slavery, I cannot come up with a way to see that. Not the hill anyone in my immediate family wanted to die on.
So these calls for active hatred, etc. Yeah, my parents are in their early 70s, and while they remain on the conservative end of moderate in certain respects, their views have evolved with respect to social issues.
His views have changed over the last 20 years, and now my parents not only personally support and affirm our LGBT family members and friends — they have been actively engaged in advocacy to try to shut down anti-LGBT legislation in our state.
My father will also tell you that he grew up using the N-word. He recently marched in a BLM protest. Significantly, while they were on a long personal journey in terms of their beliefs, all of their shift to activism i. And this new transition in life means your mom needs to 1 unlearn how to be the CEO and learn how to 2 stop using all her free time to focus on others and 3 play well with others without a veil of authority.
Smith on Dogwood Lane left her trashcan out overnight! You can really only control yourself. Leave others be and focus on your own home. And my mom has become a Trump supporter. This is incredibly true. Before the election, he bought an obscene amount of ammunition because he was certain that if Clinton won, she would take all the guns. He spends far too many hours watching Youtube. I had to convince my mom to convince him Info Wars is not really news. It sounds like your parents have turned into a-holes and are being shunned.
Maybe your parents will learn something. Maybe this will correct them. But it is not your problem to solve for them. I know plenty, thanks. So they spoke Dutch or Hindi or whatever exclusively, great. Happens daily now with Spanish in big cities. When, specifically, have you ever witnessed this happen? You are like a right-handed person being angry that there are lefty-desks in the lecture hall to accommodate for other people if they need it.
I mean, there have always been immigrants to the US who spoke little to no English, and still tried to work and buy things at stores and otherwise, you know, make a life here. But I know a lot of immigrants from many different countries, and they all have made an effort to learn some English.
The citizens are more than happy to try to accommodate me. I have never seen the reverse happen in the U. Now I live in the Midwest and I know quite a few native Spanish speakers but they all have good English because they have to.
This is a sincere question. Please help me understand. Yet expecting people here to speak English and esp if they work in customer service is so awful? Chest 96; Waist 74; Hip 96 Everything is in digital format. The instructions of the employer are sent by email in PDF format for those who want them in both Spanish and English Not available in another language.
In the PDF of the instructions you will find the measurements, the recommended materials that you can use and the instructions on how to assemble it so that you can create them yourself. Do not hesitate to send photos of your projects so you can see the result. And if you liked it, leave a review. It took me a lot of work and effort to make these patterns. Also, do not hang them on any website without giving me credits. A trend that seemed destined for a limited release became a long-running-at-Topshop blockbuster.
I find it very cheering when fashion goes off-piste, refusing to fall into step with either the magpie instinct for sparkle and surface decoration, or survival of the fittest in the top-deck-of-the-bus sense of the word.
There is a street-style gallery on the New York Times website which collates readers' photos of chic peplum wearers from Seoul and Nigeria, but it has gained more traction in London than it has in, say, Paris.
In Paris, where fashion is about finding a look that suits you and sticking with it for four decades, the peplum was never going to get much of a look in beyond a cameo appearance on American and Italian fashion editors attending Paris fashion week. And they are most certainly not a look that only string beans can wear. Beyoncé looks brilliant in a peplum, and so does Liv Tyler. On the other hand, look at the very beautiful Michelle Williams, in peplummed Louis Vuitton on the Oscar red carpet.
There you have a pretty dress that would have worked better on a bigger bottom, and it's not often that I get to write that sentence.
The whole point of a peplum is that it celebrates a waist-to-hip curve, so it looks a bit odd when worn without one. Of course, some peplums are hideous. As a rule of thumb: Something a little sleeker and more sculptural is more up our street. And still, there are still hazards to be negotiated.
By adding an additional horizontal line across your hips, a peplum foreshortens your leg length. On the catwalk, one popular way for a peplum to be styled was with an above-the-knee skirt, and ankle boots.
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